Many of us will remember the negative experiences more than the positive ones. Suggest having the meal soon after arriving so that the children don't eat too many sugary snacks. If your children are hyperactive, there are things you can do to keep them from running around. Plan activities such as games. Make alcohol less readily available.
If things are getting heated, consider injecting some levity. Could you go to a venue outside so you don't have to worry about cooking, cleaning up, and so on? Rows are also less likely to occur in a social setting.
I was recently asked, "HELP. My mother is organizing a family gathering for her birthday. We all get along individually, but when we get together, there are usually fallouts by the end of the night, and I am expecting another disaster. If I don't go, Mum will be offended. Can you assist me in handling this situation so that she is not offended and I am less anxious about going?"
Does this sound familiar? Yes. We've all been to them, and unfortunately, many of us will remember the negative experiences more than the positive ones.
I've written down some ideas for how you could make this easier on yourself.
1. You could try to keep the gathering brief. Perhaps reminding others in the family that when everyone is together for an extended period of time, things tend to deteriorate. They may agree with you but are too afraid to speak up. You might be able to agree on a time limit that encourages more positive memories and less negative ones. Even if they don't agree on this occasion, they are more likely to remember what you said and be willing to change things based on their next experience.
2. Keep in mind that you can still do what you want without the support of the rest of your family.
3. There are several things you can do if your children are hyperactive.
4. Suggest having the meal soon after arriving so that the children don't eat too many sugary snacks or run around LOUDLY.
5. Could the party be held outside? Less muck
6. Plan activities such as games.
7. Make alcohol less readily available.
8. If things are getting heated, consider injecting some levity into the situation.
9. Could you go to a venue outside so you don't have to worry about cooking, cleaning up, and so on? Rows are also less likely to occur in a social setting.
10. Perhaps bringing a different course would relieve some of the pressure on mum.
11. Is it possible to book a hotel room for the meal? Perhaps smaller tables would mean less chaos and more options for who to sit with. Everyone would be more aware of a time constraint as well. Everyone is more likely to make an effort to get along with each other if you don't have to spend too much time together.
12. Plan ahead of time and be prepared to employ some coping strategies.
Is it possible for you to bring a friend? Others may be less likely to misbehave if someone is perceived as not family. If you find that certain people put you down, having an ally can be reassuring.
13. Imagine yourself dealing with the situation.
14. Breathing exercises can help you stay calm.
15. Dress comfortably in clothes that make you feel confident.
16. Try to ignore the trivialities.
17. It can sometimes be beneficial to simply ignore what is being said.
18. Do not expect everything to go smoothly at these events. Accept that there will be some challenges.
19. Mentally prepare yourself ahead of time by scheduling some ". Me time."
20. Do something that makes you happy.
Take a massage, a walk, or listen to music.
21. If you go to the gathering, reward yourself afterwards.
22. PRESERVE GOOD MEMORIES
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