Abusive Relationships Planning and Executing Your Getaway. Examine and carry out every detail of your vacation. Make a Safety Plan, including how to get out of the house unnoticed and the essential minimum items you should carry with you at all times. Make a copy of all important documents and keep them in a safe place before you leave. Take the following personal items with you when you leave the house: prescribed medication, personal hygiene products, glasses/contact lenses, money, several changes of clothing, heirlooms, jewelry, photo albums, craft, needle work, hobby work, and your lawyer's and his attorneys' addresses, phone numbers, and fax numbers.
Obtain a detailed map of public transportation, apply to a shelter for a safe place to stay for the first few days and nights, hire a divorce lawyer and file for interim custody, make copies of all important documents, set money aside in secret for an emergency fund, create duplicate sets of keys and documents, secure transportation, set up codes and signals with friends and family, and wait until he has left before leaving.
Avoid any conflict over your departure. Prepare him for your absence.
Leave nothing to chance. Examine and carry out every detail of your vacation. This is especially important if you have a violent partner. Make a Safety Plan, including how to get out of the house unnoticed and the essential minimum items you should carry with you at all times.
The recommendations of the Province of Alberta in Canada are as follows:
Make a copy of all important documents and keep them in a safe place before you leave. Identity cards, health care and social insurance or security cards, driver's license/registration, credit cards and bank cards, other personal identification (including picture ID), birth certificate, children's immunization card, custody order, personal chequebook, last banking statement, and mortgage papers are examples. Make a list of all of your computer's passwords and access codes (for instance: ATM PINs).
Take the following personal items with you when you leave the house: prescribed medication, personal hygiene products, glasses/contact lenses, money (borrow from family members, a neighbor, a colleague, or friends if necessary), several changes of clothing (don't forget night wear and underwear), heirlooms, jewelry, photo albums (pictures that you want to keep), craft, needle work, hobby work.
When you flee with your children, the situation inevitably becomes more complicated. Bring their medications, soother, bottles, favorite toy or blanket, and clothing with you in this case (again: night wear, underwear). Older children may bring their own clothes and schoolbooks.
Make a list of the following and keep it with you at all times: the addresses and phone numbers of domestic violence shelters, police stations, night courts, community social services, nearby schools, major media, and your lawyer's and his attorneys' addresses, phone numbers, and fax numbers. Obtain a detailed map of public transportation.
Applying to a shelter for a safe place to stay for the first few days and nights is your best bet. Domestic Violence Shelters has more information about shelters.
If you can afford it, you should hire a divorce lawyer and file for interim custody. Your divorce papers will not be served until much later. Your first priority should be to keep the children with you legally and safely. Your husband is likely to accuse you of kidnapping them.
However, your escape should only be the beginning of a long period of meticulous planning.
We already mentioned making copies of all important documents (see above). Don't leave your situation penniless! Set money aside in secret for an emergency fund. Your husband is very likely to close your bank account and credit cards. Ask around for a place to stay for the first week. Will you be accepted by your family or friends? Wait to be accepted into a domestic violence shelter. Make certain you know where you're going!
Create duplicate sets of keys and documents. Keep these "reserve troves" with friends and family by bundling them with clothes. Place one of these "troves" in a safe deposit box and give the key to someone you trust. Secure transportation for your escape day or night. Set up codes and signals with friends and family ("If I don't call you by 10 p.m., something is wrong," "If I call you and say Ron is home, call the cops").
You should wait until he has left before leaving. Avoid any conflict over your departure. It could go wrong. Do not tell him about your plans. Make excuses to leave in the days and months before you leave. Prepare him for your absence.
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